Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category


When the bottle cap won’t budge, the lid won’t part from the jar, and the plastic wrapped article remains inaccessible, it’s time to learn to love yourself a little more. Patience is a virtue.

You’ve joined an elite club. You’re eighty. It’s OK to ask for help. Just don’t forget to be grateful, to say so, and t0 mean it.

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It was another cold day on the Mendocino Coast with patches of rain. I found myself in town following a one o’clock class with time to kill. I impulsively decided to go to the gym.

When I passed the fabric store in the same shopping center, I realized that they would be open because it was only three o’clock in the afternoon. I made a U-turn and pulled in near the door. A lovely young woman offered to help.

Two years ago when I was eighty and anticipating hip surgery, I had, for the first time, made some preparations for dying. I had a will drawn up and purchased and filled in MaggieWatson’s, A Graceful Farewell to save my heirs a lot of frustration, time, money, and maybe sanity. I had checked out the local crematorium, but I had not yet made my shroud although I felt strongly about what I wanted to wear for my cremation. It would be a simple white gown.

I asked the clerk what she had in white, 100% cotton fabric. Synthetics don’t burn cleanly. She walked me directly to a section where she found three white, cotton fabrics. We decided which one of them was less sheer and then she directed me to the patterns. There was not a vast selection, no caftan pattern at all so I spent quite a long time finding one that would work. It was a long dress pattern.

When I took the pattern over to check out, she helped me decide how much fabric it would take and started measuring out the four yards. As she did this, she attempted to make conversation and, so help me this is what she asked, “So are you going to some nice, warm place where you can wear this?” There were other people in the store or I might have told her the truth, but instead I quickly replied, “Yeah, I’m going to hell.”

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